Coriotvirus crossover satire

Introducing the Racial Prejudometer

THE Macpherson Report’s definition of a “racist incident” as “any incident perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person” is causing immense trouble and confusion for all concerned. Yet there is a simple answer. As I have pointed out before, the Racial Prejudometer was originally developed by the West Midland firm of Ethnicaids for use by the race relations industry, but is now available to everybody (ask your nearest race relations stockist).

Inexpensive and handy for pocket or handbag, you simply point it at any person (including yourself) you suspect of “racism”, press the easy-to-find “action” button and read off the result in prejudons, the internationally recognised scientific unit of racial prejudice.

A satisfied client writes: “After reading the Macpherson Report, I began to worry about being racist. I was sleeping badly and losing my appetite. My job in an important call centre was at risk. My marriage was on the rocks.

“Then a friend told me about the prejudometer. What a difference! As I began to use it regularly, all my worries about racism vanished! Now I sleep like a baby, eat like a horse and am so full of energy and keenness that I have been promoted call centre section leader. I have just returned from an idyllic ‘second honeymoon’ in Florida and feel like a million dollars. Thank you, Ethnicaids, for all you have done for me.” (Name and address supplied).

This is only one of thousands of testimonials. Why, then, is the prejudometer not in use by everybody in Britain today? Is it because of an all too common fear of science and technology? This simple electronic device is admittedly not yet perfect. There have been incidents in London when black people, Indians, Pakistanis, Somalis, Chinese, Japanese and others have all been involved, causing their prejudometers to “over-read” and implode.

“There are still some snags and headaches to be ironed out,” says a spokesman for Ethnicaids. “But the backroom boys in our research division are working flat out, and one of these fine mornings they’re going to come up with the complete answer. Then we’ll all be able to think about racism not just some of the time but every minute of our lives.”

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