“Greetings from New Republic of Slaviyansk-Dogtopia! We have seized control of local dog pound from forces loyal to evil cat-loving Kievan Junta, namely dirty squirrel called Boris.
We assert sovereign right of local Russian dog to piss on fire hydrant and stick head out of tractor window on freeway. We also demand right of unification with other Russian dog near Stravinsky sausage factory. Western media is to criticize for us by pissing on fire hydrant, but fire hydrant symbol of evil Atlanticist alliance that want to replace us with poodle and other gay sex pet, like octopus.